Day 1 of the internship over and I survived! People were super nice but I won't be talking about my internship publicly but just know, all went well :)
Kuala Lumpur was jampacked today (as always) and all I could think about was "Thank God I have a driver." I cannot imagine driving 2 hours straight stuck in a traffic jam let alone let my mother drive me. It really is a true definition of a city hustle and bustle but I've never been to a Metropolitan City before so what do I know?
Nothing much happened today but I just felt the need (how many times have I used those 3 words?) to write. Today, I wanted to post a selfie on Instagram to commemorate the first day of my internship and I did. As I took the photo, posing at the perfect angle and even drawing up the blinds of the car to get a bit more light exposure, a thought came across.. "Do I look like this in real life?" I didn't photoshop my photo nor did I cover any blemishes. I just did the normal increase exposure, increase saturation and maybe increase contrast shebang but I always feel like I'm faking all of it. Whenever I meet people, I wonder if they think, "Whoah she looks so much better in photos!" Am I digging my own grave? I'm well aware that the angles I pose in are not angles I'm positioned at when I'm talking to someone. I remember meeting someone called James when I was younger (met through MSN) and he said I look "better than the pictures." Granted, he might have just said those words just to flatter me but I really took it to heart. And now as I get better at taking photos and filtering photos, I feel like the pictures are so much better and the real me is downgrading. I don't want to mislead people. However, I talked to a friend about it and I know it's all in my head. "You didn't photoshop your face, your features are all there. That's you." Maybe the lady in the photo is me. Maybe I'm not so bad after all. All these thoughts, they may or may not be true but how I feel about it is what matters. I need to continue building confidence in myself and start being "true to myself." Those 3 words are really strong and I am trying to live by it.
My whole life, I've been taught how to love other people but not much on how to love myself. I guess it was a given because we would naturally tend to our needs but I guess I was paying too much attention on loving people that I forgot to build a love for myself. Not to say I don't pamper myself or what not. I do the normal stuff but my foundation isn't strong enough to make me feel "true to myself." This has nothing to do with my upbringing by the way. It's more of a negative light that was shone on me by myself because of all this overthinking. I have been blessed with a great family and great friends. I've never truly been bullied (just the occasional mean comments by boys when I was younger but boys will be boys. I don't hold a grudge.) so I know that all these negative thoughts are created by me and I have no reason to put this upon myself.
That's why on a daily basis, I tell myself to be confident and to be true to myself. It's not a lot but it's a start.
SW.
Monday 5 January 2015
Sunday 4 January 2015
Decisions decisions.
Morning :)
After watching Gone girl, which was a pretty damn good movie I must say, it was already 4am. I normally have yoga at 7am every sunday so I was thinking of skipping it because 3 hours of sleep is ridiculous. So when it was 650am and my alarm was ringing, I was lying on my bed contemplating whether I should skip the session and these thoughts were in my mind:
a. It's yoga and it'll be a good way to start the day.
b. I'm tired, I probably wouldn't hold up well.
c. I'm trying to create excuses to skip the yoga session when I know I shouldn't.
d. Why do I need to create excuses? Can't I just choose not to go to yoga rather than think about reasons why I CAN'T do it when I know I can do anything if I wanted to.
e. You're going to regret this.
So I chose not to go to yoga in the end and slept in. Tho it was a good sleep, I do regret it. Thinking how good I would be feeling about my body right now if I had went for the session but I didn't. This is one of the bad habits I have. I need to learn to stick with my decisions whether good or bad. I need to learn from them, that goes without saying but I do not need to beat myself up every time I make a bad one and should continue looking forward~
SW.
After watching Gone girl, which was a pretty damn good movie I must say, it was already 4am. I normally have yoga at 7am every sunday so I was thinking of skipping it because 3 hours of sleep is ridiculous. So when it was 650am and my alarm was ringing, I was lying on my bed contemplating whether I should skip the session and these thoughts were in my mind:
a. It's yoga and it'll be a good way to start the day.
b. I'm tired, I probably wouldn't hold up well.
c. I'm trying to create excuses to skip the yoga session when I know I shouldn't.
d. Why do I need to create excuses? Can't I just choose not to go to yoga rather than think about reasons why I CAN'T do it when I know I can do anything if I wanted to.
e. You're going to regret this.
So I chose not to go to yoga in the end and slept in. Tho it was a good sleep, I do regret it. Thinking how good I would be feeling about my body right now if I had went for the session but I didn't. This is one of the bad habits I have. I need to learn to stick with my decisions whether good or bad. I need to learn from them, that goes without saying but I do not need to beat myself up every time I make a bad one and should continue looking forward~
SW.
Internship + Cookies?
Well hello there.
3rd day of this year and I've done absolutely nothing productive. Well, I mean I did start my work out regime and it's going well so far. I'm trying to increase the number of exercises as I go along. I'm obsessed with leg and ass exercises that I tend to neglect my upper body. Mostly my arms. I think part of the reason why I do that is because I can never envision myself with nice toned arms so I don't really have a goal but now, I've changed that mentality and have been doing full body exercises.
My days have been spent with me exercising, eating, sleeping and just lying around in bed. I haven't done anything special but a part of me is just trying to utilise my time before my internship starts. I'm pretty nervous yet excited for my internship. Nervous because of the impression I might make tho that is entirely up to me. I'm a pretty curious person so I'm sure I won't be uninterested but I received a comment at my last internship that I wasn't too interested but that was from one of the bosses. The other boss said otherwise so I was pretty confused by then. Of course the boss that said that I seem like I was uninterested did not observe me throughout the whole internship but the other one did. However, no matter who it is or whether they observe me once or throughout the whole internship, I don't want to EVER leave an impression that I am uninterested because one, I know I am because I am a genuinely curious person who loves to learn. Two, I know these people are taking their time off just to teach me when they could be doing their own things and I'm extremely grateful for that. Three, it's a learning process: I could think I'm showing interest when someone else could think otherwise so it's always good to have feedback. I know to the boss that commented that to me, it might not seem like a big deal to him. I am confident he doesn't even think about it because he has better things to do but even though, I was hurt by that comment, I am glad he made it so I can better myself. A part of me felt frustrated because it seemed like I didn't "perfect" the internship experience (being the perfectionist that I am) but I know it isn't about getting it right the first time, or even the second time but always improving oneself whenever I can. I was nervous writing this out because they always say to never publish about your work on the internet but since this is a past experience, I just wanted to rant a bit.
On a brighter note, I baked cookies yesterday! I've been trying to bake the perfect chewy cookies that Subway makes (Funny since Subway is known for its sandwiches and not its cookies). I came closer to it today! I'm really happy about how it turned out! I'm not someone who loves to follow recipes. I'm more of a "agak" - kinda person. More than often because I don't have all the ingredients. Here are some pictures I took:
I used Martha Stewart's recipe (How can you go wrong with Martha Stewart, right?)! But like I said, I didn't follow the recipe exactly. I added cornflakes to mine to give it that crunch and chewiness too! I don't know if this was a fluke so one day, I'm going to try again but maybe with brown sugar this time!
I'm definitely going to be trying out new recipes since I have an oven at home! Not just sweet treats but savoury ones as well!
Time to watch Gone Girl with the boy :)
Good night!
PS I don't proof-read my posts so I apologise for any grammatical mistakes.
SW.
3rd day of this year and I've done absolutely nothing productive. Well, I mean I did start my work out regime and it's going well so far. I'm trying to increase the number of exercises as I go along. I'm obsessed with leg and ass exercises that I tend to neglect my upper body. Mostly my arms. I think part of the reason why I do that is because I can never envision myself with nice toned arms so I don't really have a goal but now, I've changed that mentality and have been doing full body exercises.
My days have been spent with me exercising, eating, sleeping and just lying around in bed. I haven't done anything special but a part of me is just trying to utilise my time before my internship starts. I'm pretty nervous yet excited for my internship. Nervous because of the impression I might make tho that is entirely up to me. I'm a pretty curious person so I'm sure I won't be uninterested but I received a comment at my last internship that I wasn't too interested but that was from one of the bosses. The other boss said otherwise so I was pretty confused by then. Of course the boss that said that I seem like I was uninterested did not observe me throughout the whole internship but the other one did. However, no matter who it is or whether they observe me once or throughout the whole internship, I don't want to EVER leave an impression that I am uninterested because one, I know I am because I am a genuinely curious person who loves to learn. Two, I know these people are taking their time off just to teach me when they could be doing their own things and I'm extremely grateful for that. Three, it's a learning process: I could think I'm showing interest when someone else could think otherwise so it's always good to have feedback. I know to the boss that commented that to me, it might not seem like a big deal to him. I am confident he doesn't even think about it because he has better things to do but even though, I was hurt by that comment, I am glad he made it so I can better myself. A part of me felt frustrated because it seemed like I didn't "perfect" the internship experience (being the perfectionist that I am) but I know it isn't about getting it right the first time, or even the second time but always improving oneself whenever I can. I was nervous writing this out because they always say to never publish about your work on the internet but since this is a past experience, I just wanted to rant a bit.
On a brighter note, I baked cookies yesterday! I've been trying to bake the perfect chewy cookies that Subway makes (Funny since Subway is known for its sandwiches and not its cookies). I came closer to it today! I'm really happy about how it turned out! I'm not someone who loves to follow recipes. I'm more of a "agak" - kinda person. More than often because I don't have all the ingredients. Here are some pictures I took:
I'm definitely going to be trying out new recipes since I have an oven at home! Not just sweet treats but savoury ones as well!
Time to watch Gone Girl with the boy :)
Good night!
PS I don't proof-read my posts so I apologise for any grammatical mistakes.
SW.
Thursday 1 January 2015
Blackheads.
A post on blackheads?
Yes. Blackheads are a big part of my life. They actually make up 95% of my nose. I remember the first blackhead I got. I squeezed it out (itchy hands) with a tip of a small scissors. Well anyway, why talk about blackheads? Because since young, my parents have told me to stop pressing out my blackheads telling me I will leave scars on my beautiful face and surprisingly enough (not), they were right. Some days, when I look at myself in the mirror, I think about the possibility of me having a flawless face if I didn't press that blackhead that day and continue pressing it on and on again after that day. Would I have been more beautiful then and now? I know I ruined my complexion because of my itchy hands. To me, it seems like there's nothing I can do about it now because my pores are open and dirt will eventually clog it up again even after a facial treatment so it seems like I've no chances of gaining a flawless complexion but does it matter, really? Is it worth beating myself up? I know this won't be the last time I think about it but I can stop now even though it's a habit (I just pressed out 3 blackheads out like 5 minutes ago hence, the post). It's what you can do now compared to what you could've done then, right?
I need to fill myself with more positive notes rather than be negative and complain about something that cannot be changed. More like whining actually. Sometimes I just whine and whine about all my flaws, just to seek out compliments and most of us are guilty of this whether we admit it or not. However, since last year, I've learned not to seek out compliments anymore. I need to be true to myself and stop ignoring the inner demon in me. Rather than capturing the demon by building a cage of pride over it, I should fight it one on one because sooner or later, no matter how indestructable the cage is, the demon will find a way to come out. Wow, what a metaphor but it really does describe how I feel about the situation. I need to learn that millions of blackheads doesn't matter. It's how I see myself as a person and what I see in the mirror. They say "no one is perfect" but I think "perfect" has no standard definition and it is a free word that can be given any meaning to.
SW.
Yes. Blackheads are a big part of my life. They actually make up 95% of my nose. I remember the first blackhead I got. I squeezed it out (itchy hands) with a tip of a small scissors. Well anyway, why talk about blackheads? Because since young, my parents have told me to stop pressing out my blackheads telling me I will leave scars on my beautiful face and surprisingly enough (not), they were right. Some days, when I look at myself in the mirror, I think about the possibility of me having a flawless face if I didn't press that blackhead that day and continue pressing it on and on again after that day. Would I have been more beautiful then and now? I know I ruined my complexion because of my itchy hands. To me, it seems like there's nothing I can do about it now because my pores are open and dirt will eventually clog it up again even after a facial treatment so it seems like I've no chances of gaining a flawless complexion but does it matter, really? Is it worth beating myself up? I know this won't be the last time I think about it but I can stop now even though it's a habit (I just pressed out 3 blackheads out like 5 minutes ago hence, the post). It's what you can do now compared to what you could've done then, right?
I need to fill myself with more positive notes rather than be negative and complain about something that cannot be changed. More like whining actually. Sometimes I just whine and whine about all my flaws, just to seek out compliments and most of us are guilty of this whether we admit it or not. However, since last year, I've learned not to seek out compliments anymore. I need to be true to myself and stop ignoring the inner demon in me. Rather than capturing the demon by building a cage of pride over it, I should fight it one on one because sooner or later, no matter how indestructable the cage is, the demon will find a way to come out. Wow, what a metaphor but it really does describe how I feel about the situation. I need to learn that millions of blackheads doesn't matter. It's how I see myself as a person and what I see in the mirror. They say "no one is perfect" but I think "perfect" has no standard definition and it is a free word that can be given any meaning to.
SW.
Summer Workout.
Today I finally got that bolt of energy to start working out again. I'm someone who loves working out regularly but sometimes my schedule is overcome by laziness. I know myself enough to know that I will workout sooner or later and when I do want to work out, I will do it right. Because I know I'm that type of person, I let myself go when I need to. For example, it's been about a month since I last worked out (not including the occasional dance in the morning or leg exercises). But now, I have the determination to start working out again and I prefer this determination to come naturally rather than forcing myself to. Of course, it would be preferable to always work out regularly and keep pushing myself which I will slowly learn to do. I'm just aware that there are some days I really don't have the motivation to do anything and will do my work out halfheartedly which isn't good because I tend to manipulate myself that I've worked out enough so I can rest even more or even eat even more.
So right now, I am going to start working out and keep doing it diligently. I call it my "Summer Workout." I need push myself slowly on a daily basis and keep moving on from there. It's easy to start but not easy to maintain a workout routine so I need to teach myself to make it a habit. I find this is a good way to teach myself to learn to make things a habit so that in the future, I can easily adapt to changes. I never really had a goal such as gaining abs or gaining triceps etc. I just want to keep myself healthy and whatever comes with it will be a bonus. Keeping healthy will be my top priority because even though having abs will be a sweet thing to have, I know it isn't realistic for me to maintain and if I don't maintain it and my abs disappear, I will beat myself up for it so I don't want to put that kind of pressure on myself. I know in the future, whether it's because of work or because my body changes due to pregnancy or for whatever reason, I will have to succumb to the change so keeping healthy seems like the best goal for now.
Right now, I'm looking at:
I don't know how long I'll keep this up but it's a start :)! I'll try to update you guys but I won't be posting any pictures of my body because this blog will be public and I won't feel comfortable posting it.
SW.
So right now, I am going to start working out and keep doing it diligently. I call it my "Summer Workout." I need push myself slowly on a daily basis and keep moving on from there. It's easy to start but not easy to maintain a workout routine so I need to teach myself to make it a habit. I find this is a good way to teach myself to learn to make things a habit so that in the future, I can easily adapt to changes. I never really had a goal such as gaining abs or gaining triceps etc. I just want to keep myself healthy and whatever comes with it will be a bonus. Keeping healthy will be my top priority because even though having abs will be a sweet thing to have, I know it isn't realistic for me to maintain and if I don't maintain it and my abs disappear, I will beat myself up for it so I don't want to put that kind of pressure on myself. I know in the future, whether it's because of work or because my body changes due to pregnancy or for whatever reason, I will have to succumb to the change so keeping healthy seems like the best goal for now.
Right now, I'm looking at:
- Walking the dog 3 days a week.
- No rice during dinner (or at least one meal a day)
- Circuit training on alternate days (the circuit training will vary)
I don't know how long I'll keep this up but it's a start :)! I'll try to update you guys but I won't be posting any pictures of my body because this blog will be public and I won't feel comfortable posting it.
SW.
Beginning of 2015.
Happy New Year!
I thought today's instagram post would be appropriate to start off this blogpost.
"Happy New Year 2014 has personally been a different one for me. Started off w an 8 month break: Travelling w my closest friends to Bali, visiting Melbourne for the first time (thought I was gonna reject Unimelb at the time), getting to enjoy Sydney's nightlife, short trips to Singapore (of course) & most importantly, rebonding w my family especially my dad (since I moved back to Malaysia after 4 years). The memories I made w my dad this year, I will treasure forever along with the other memories I made of course.
Had achieved something I never thought was possible: Got to participate in the Singapore Affordable Art Fair, sold about 8 pieces of my work.
Well those are some of the wonderful things that have happened. But enough about me. Many things have happened to Malaysia this year: 3 unfortunate flights & massive floods in 3 states (number 3 not looking so good right now). I guess these situations have taught us to be grateful for who we have with us right now. That's the best thing we can take from 2014 to the rest of the years to come. Its funny because so many unfortunate things happen every year to other people (war, poverty, sex slavery) but we only really learn to feel and do something about it when things happen closer to home. I will never know what the families of the passengers in those 3 flights or families who have suffered from the floods truly feel but I take it as a sign to really cherish the ones you love and to let go of ones who don't love you. This Instagram post can go on forever so I will stop here!
Happy New Year to all! May 2015 be a joyful year !"
I wonder how many people have started a blog today. Blogspot must be receiving massive numbers of participants today. Hell! I thought I would start writing again last year and I did but I gave up after 6 months which isn't too bad compared to giving up after one blog post.
For now, this will be my summer diary because unfortunately, I left my real diary in Australia and for some reason, whenever I come back to Malaysia, I feel the need to write again. It's probably because I have more personal time to reflect on my life which I love by the way. Instead of living my life in this fast pace world, I get to stop and think about what I've done and what I should be doing instead of continuously keeping myself busy everyday. Do forgive me for any grammatical mistakes I might make now and in the future. My English has deteriorated ever since I moved from Malaysia because of the lack of writing and I'm trying to improve it slowly. On the same note, forgive me if I drift off to a new topic all of the sudden. Sometimes I tend to think of other things and I just feel the need to write it down but hey, who's reading this, right? I'm writing this for myself and not for others (tho I welcome any positive or constructive feedback).
I might write several posts in one day or none at all. It's really just a blog filled with my thoughts. I have no intention of gaining viewership (tho that would be nice) because I think this world is already filled with many social media outlets that make us feel the need to get many "likes" and I'm guilty of that so I'm trying to teach myself that that isn't important and I should post what I want to post, not what I think my viewers would like to see.
SW.
I thought today's instagram post would be appropriate to start off this blogpost.
"Happy New Year 2014 has personally been a different one for me. Started off w an 8 month break: Travelling w my closest friends to Bali, visiting Melbourne for the first time (thought I was gonna reject Unimelb at the time), getting to enjoy Sydney's nightlife, short trips to Singapore (of course) & most importantly, rebonding w my family especially my dad (since I moved back to Malaysia after 4 years). The memories I made w my dad this year, I will treasure forever along with the other memories I made of course.
Had achieved something I never thought was possible: Got to participate in the Singapore Affordable Art Fair, sold about 8 pieces of my work.
Well those are some of the wonderful things that have happened. But enough about me. Many things have happened to Malaysia this year: 3 unfortunate flights & massive floods in 3 states (number 3 not looking so good right now). I guess these situations have taught us to be grateful for who we have with us right now. That's the best thing we can take from 2014 to the rest of the years to come. Its funny because so many unfortunate things happen every year to other people (war, poverty, sex slavery) but we only really learn to feel and do something about it when things happen closer to home. I will never know what the families of the passengers in those 3 flights or families who have suffered from the floods truly feel but I take it as a sign to really cherish the ones you love and to let go of ones who don't love you. This Instagram post can go on forever so I will stop here!
Happy New Year to all! May 2015 be a joyful year !"
I wonder how many people have started a blog today. Blogspot must be receiving massive numbers of participants today. Hell! I thought I would start writing again last year and I did but I gave up after 6 months which isn't too bad compared to giving up after one blog post.
For now, this will be my summer diary because unfortunately, I left my real diary in Australia and for some reason, whenever I come back to Malaysia, I feel the need to write again. It's probably because I have more personal time to reflect on my life which I love by the way. Instead of living my life in this fast pace world, I get to stop and think about what I've done and what I should be doing instead of continuously keeping myself busy everyday. Do forgive me for any grammatical mistakes I might make now and in the future. My English has deteriorated ever since I moved from Malaysia because of the lack of writing and I'm trying to improve it slowly. On the same note, forgive me if I drift off to a new topic all of the sudden. Sometimes I tend to think of other things and I just feel the need to write it down but hey, who's reading this, right? I'm writing this for myself and not for others (tho I welcome any positive or constructive feedback).
I might write several posts in one day or none at all. It's really just a blog filled with my thoughts. I have no intention of gaining viewership (tho that would be nice) because I think this world is already filled with many social media outlets that make us feel the need to get many "likes" and I'm guilty of that so I'm trying to teach myself that that isn't important and I should post what I want to post, not what I think my viewers would like to see.
SW.
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