Increase Saturation.

Day 1 of the internship over and I survived! People were super nice but I won't be talking about my internship publicly but just know, all went well :)

Kuala Lumpur was jampacked today (as always) and all I could think about was "Thank God I have a driver." I cannot imagine driving 2 hours straight stuck in a traffic jam let alone let my mother drive me. It really is a true definition of a city hustle and bustle but I've never been to a Metropolitan City before so what do I know?

Nothing much happened today but I just felt the need (how many times have I used those 3 words?) to write. Today, I wanted to post a selfie on Instagram to commemorate the first day of my internship and I did. As I took the photo, posing at the perfect angle and even drawing up the blinds of the car to get a bit more light exposure, a thought came across.. "Do I look like this in real life?" I didn't photoshop my photo nor did I cover any blemishes. I just did the normal increase exposure, increase saturation and maybe increase contrast shebang but I always feel like I'm faking all of it. Whenever I meet people, I wonder if they think, "Whoah she looks so much better in photos!" Am I digging my own grave? I'm well aware that the angles I pose in are not angles I'm positioned at when I'm talking to someone. I remember meeting someone called James when I was younger (met through MSN) and he said I look "better than the pictures." Granted, he might have just said those words just to flatter me but I really took it to heart. And now as I get better at taking photos and filtering photos, I feel like the pictures are so much better and the real me is downgrading. I don't want to mislead people. However, I talked to a friend about it and I know it's all in my head. "You didn't photoshop your face, your features are all there. That's you." Maybe the lady in the photo is me. Maybe I'm not so bad after all. All these thoughts, they may or may not be true but how I feel about it is what matters. I need to continue building confidence in myself and start being "true to myself." Those 3 words are really strong and I am trying to live by it.

My whole life, I've been taught how to love other people but not much on how to love myself. I guess it was a given because we would naturally tend to our needs but I guess I was paying too much attention on loving people that I forgot to build a love for myself. Not to say I don't pamper myself or what not. I do the normal stuff but my foundation isn't strong enough to make me feel "true to myself." This has nothing to do with my upbringing by the way. It's more of a negative light that was shone on me by myself because of all this overthinking. I have been blessed with a great family and great friends. I've never truly been bullied (just the occasional mean comments by boys when I was younger but boys will be boys. I don't hold a grudge.) so I know that all these negative thoughts are created by me and I have no reason to put this upon myself.

That's why on a daily basis, I tell myself to be confident and to be true to myself. It's not a lot but it's a start.

SW.